The Point

Tonight is the first CCF large group gathering of the year. I'm the brand new baby intern. Needless to say, my emotions are at both peaks on the sine wave.

I started this internship in the beginning of August. As we began planning the year and talking about what we hoped God would do with this ministry, I became very excited. I mean, how much better could things get? My job is discipleship! That means there will be nothing else fighting for my time like classes or homework. My commitment is to spend the majority of the day delving into the Word, deciphering it with fellow disciples, pouring into the lives of students, and hanging out with internationals! I can't imagine a better way to spend my days!

As the first day of class approached, the fear crept in. My job is discipleship! The United States culture is obsessed with vocation and mine is all about Jesus. There is no escaping it. In meeting new people, I can't hide behind small talk, waiting for the right day to finally mention that I believe Jesus is the only way to salvation. I can't use homework as an excuse for not reading my Bible. My homework is the Bible. God finally has all the loose ends of my life and is holding them in his hands. Now that I think about it, it's a dream come true.  If Jesus really is the only thing we need and our main purpose in life is to love Him, serve Him, and share Him with others, then I am in the best position imaginable! So why am I so scared?

The part of me that regularly gets in the way of being fully devoted to Jesus is my pride. I've never thought of myself as a very prideful person. But I am extremely sensitive and I take everything personally. I think this is actually pride because I'm basically saying that in my heart I believe that my feelings and my self-esteem are the most important things and if they get attacked, my identity falters.

But God calls us children and friends. He says we are co-heirs with Christ. The church is His bride. Jesus says we are to be His witnesses and that He will always be with us as we make disciples. I have no reason to be afraid. I have no reason to give up. Even if every single person I talk to this year doesn't want anything to do with Jesus, I can't give up. This is my job (even if it weren't my job title, it would still be my "job".) Jesus is with me and He never fails. After all, it is the Holy Spirit who saves, not me. I am just a servant.

So here we go. Tonight's the night. First impressions. It's utterly terrifying. But my call isn't to please people, it's to glorify God. Let's do it.