Joy comes in the morning

In high school, I lived by this phrase.  The scripture it's based on is Psalm 30:5.  (I'm not sure where I got that particular wording from, though.  A Google search revealed that the World English Bible translation words it that way, but I definitely have never read that version.)

"For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning." Psalm 30:5 (NIV)

David is talking about the brevity of life's trials and God's disappointment in us compared to the joy and blessings He gives us.  But this verse is a motto for me.  In high school, I was very emotional (okay, I still am. And always will be.).  There was always some drama in my life and I spent many nights shedding endless tears over a fight or a careless word from a friend.  It didn't take long for me to learn that the pain somehow diminished overnight as I slept and in the morning I always felt better.  I stopped crying, I had a clearer, more grounded perspective on the situation, and it turned back into a "molehill".  It didn't mean that the tough, emotional nights never came again--they certainly did, even into my first year of college.  But I reminded myself, "joy comes in the morning".  I let myself cry it out at night because I knew that the morning would bring healing.  Not always joy, no, I was never jumping out of bed with a smile on.  But the despair subsided and made room for new life.  I learned the truth of that scripture.  I put hope in it.  I stood firm on the promise that God could change my heart overnight, change my perspective.  I knew that no matter what, the pain would be the worst at night and in the morning, things would be different.

Last year was my senior year of college.  I started to notice that most mornings I would wake up sad.  Regardless of how I felt the night before, the mornings brought despair.  I've never been a morning person, so that was probably part of it.  But I would wake up already feeling like I'd failed.  I felt the burden of the classwork I would have to do that day.  I felt really alone.  My boyfriend was in California and he wouldn't even be awake yet.  I knew what I should have been doing to maintain my walk with Jesus but I knew I was going to push it aside and I felt God's disappointment.  It was rough.  I didn't understand why I felt that way and I didn't like it.  I also didn't know what to do.

These days, I'm a college graduate, a ministry intern, living in a great apartment where the sun shines into my bedroom every morning.  The love of my life lives down the street.  He comes over before work and we have coffee on the porch.  We talk about our days and what we're learning about God.  My roommates are amazing.  They love me when I don't deserve it.  I believe in the work I'm doing.  I believe that pursuing Christ is the most important thing in the world and I get to focus on that every day.  I'm not saying that it's easy, that it's all peaches and cream.  There is SO much I am still learning and ways I need to change and there is disappointment and frustration.  But I finally feel like my time is valuable.  I live in the moment.  I'm never "just getting through".  I experience joy in the morning.  Such joy.

Last night I cried so hard.  Yeah, it still happens every now and then.  It was a matter of Colin and I not understanding each other completely.  He was frustrated too, he just has tear ducts of steel.  We talked about it and we prayed honest prayers together.  I told God that I didn't understand how He thinks that I am capable of His work.  I asked Him to help me be a better disciple and a more understanding girlfriend.  I had been so upset and the Holy Spirit brought me peace that surpasses all understanding.

This morning I woke up happy.  Most mornings are like that now.  I know I'll get to see my man and even if I don't, I get to go to work and do things that I am excited about.  It doesn't seem fair sometimes.  Sometimes I even feel bad for being so happy.  As if God wants me to be miserable.  That doesn't even make sense!  Why would He want that?  No.  This is good.  Life might not always be this way.  I'm sure I'll have times where I wake up sad again.  But that's okay.  Because I know that there is a possibility of joy.  I can hope for it.  I can hope in Christ, in His sacrifice, because of which I can live in the joy of salvation.  Weeping may remain for a night, but joy comes in the morning.