Brainwashed

I went through a phase of spiritual doubt just over 3 years ago. The religion I had claimed, clung to, and was baptized into suddenly seemed like an elite club of people who thought their ideas were right and everyone else's were wrong. I read about people who had escaped the faith and found refuge in Islam, other Eastern religions, or some modern, naturalistic, every-man-for-himself atheism. It suddenly seemed as though Christians were brainwashed and the ones who walked away finally saw what was outside the fence. I couldn't get past it. It wasn't one of those fleeting "What if I’m wrong?" thoughts. It was pervasive. I couldn't rest until it was resolved. The frustrating part was that the answers I had always heard weren't enough anymore. "We know the Bible is true because it says that it is." "Christians who leave the faith weren't really saved in the first place." Heard it. Not convinced.

In the weeks and months that followed, I searched for answers, and God gave them to me. It's difficult to explain, because in many ways, the answers I accept now are the same ones I rejected then. The difference is my perspective. I had fallen into the trap of thinking that as humans, we have the control over this life. We get to decide which set of beliefs we will hold as our truth. I had looked at what Christians chose to believe and the implications of those beliefs for everyone else and concluded that it was completely unfair. It wasn't clear while it was happening, but in retrospect I can see that what had to change was how I viewed God and how I viewed mankind. See, this life isn't really about us. Everything is about God. He's the main character in the story. Yes, we do choose what we believe, but our beliefs don't dictate what is true. Truth comes from outside of ourselves, not from within. And the nature of truth is that everything else is false. It's not elitist, it's logic.

I was thinking today about this idea of being brainwashed. Sometimes I still feel like I am. Did you know that there is a Wikihow article on how to convert a Christian to atheism? I was so intrigued and confused that I read the whole thing. It made me a little sad, but some of the tips about how to point out fallacies in Christian apologetic arguments made me think. Atheists look in on Christianity and it seems absolutely crazy. To them, we seem brainwashed. I can see that. We believe in a supernatural being who made everything and somehow has a son--who is also himself--who became a human so that he could preach some controversial messages only to be executed and then claimed by his entourage to have risen from the dead. I can see how us putting all of our hope in the return of a zombie-King-God seems a little far-fetched to modern-day thinkers. But here's why I'm okay with that.

I'm not in control. I didn't fabricate the story of the Gospel. When I quote Scripture that says those who deny Christ will suffer an eternity in hell, it's not my judgment call to make. If I did, or if any human did, or anyone other than God did, then I would have some issues. Then it would be an exclusive, elite club determined to assert that they have it right and too bad for everyone else. You see, the Gospel--the story of God--is so much bigger than us (in fact, we get in the way most of the time). It's a grand love story in which God created something with which to share His love that would reflect His love back to Him. He set it up in a way that He is glorified when we choose Him over ourselves. He deserves all of the glory anyway. Because we went against Him and choose to go against Him every day, He must punish us. It's literally His nature to banish evil and all who commit it. Evil and God cannot coexist. So fairness is for Him to do what He did to Satan: cast us out from His presence and into eternal damnation. That's what we all deserve. If life were fair, that's what would happen.

But God is love and He loves us. So he had a plan to complete His punishment by taking our sin as His own and punishing Himself instead of us. This is where Jesus comes in. He fulfilled the role of victim so that we could be spared. It's not unfair that people should be condemned, it's unfair that people should be saved. God extended grace to us by establishing this plan and offering it to us as the only escape from His punishment. But He still gives us a choice. If we don't want it, He isn't going to force it on us. This is one of the lessons I learned. How can people walk away from the Truth? Because it is forced upon no one. If you want to walk away, God is not going to stop you.

Merriam-Webster says brainwashing is "a forcible indoctrination to induce someone to give up basic political, social, or religious beliefs and attitudes and to accept contrasting regimented ideas". This in no way describes the Christianity that is truly following Christ. But if you take brainwashing to mean the sum of its parts, it could mean to wipe or cleanse one's mind. And if that's the case, then I'm on board. If being a Christian means that my mind is cleansed of the things taught to me by the world, I'm in. If the cleansing is not wiping away the truth and feeding me a lie but wiping away the lies and washing my mind with the truth, I'm in. I want to be brainwashed.

I am thankful today for God's grace and His gentleness in my questioning. Being enlightened through His wisdom and seeing clearly that we have all been spared if we choose to believe it is the best kind of "brainwashing". The clouds of doubt begin to roll away and the unanswered questions begin to fall into place. It is not like receiving the answer key to the exam, no. It's more like growing up and realizing that your own family, house, neighborhood and school isn't all there is (going on family vacations to other states, it was hard to imagine that children like me live, play, and go to school in that city, too). This--what we see, the things we strive for, living just to die--isn't all there is.

As humans we crave justice. As Christians, we want everyone to have a fair chance at being saved. And yet we walk by people every day who aren't and we say nothing. That I do this bothers me to no end. But it also illuminates God's incredible patience. I think that's also why there have been 2000 years between Jesus' visits to Earth. I'm no theologian but God's Word says that He doesn't want anyone to perish and that the Gospel will be preached to all nations and then the end will come. I don't know how much time is left in this life but I think I know what I need to do with it.