Symptom Checker: FOMO

If you haven't heard of FOMO, it stands for "Fear Of Missing Out" and I have probably the worst case of all time. Any of my friends would agree. It's a joke in my circles, how much I have to be where the action is and I will sacrifice anything--sleep, work, alone time--to be with people I think are cool and are going to have a good time. I actually kind of take pride in it. I look at people who don't suffer from FOMO and pity how much they are missing. Countless memories, inside jokes, and "you had to be there" moments that I get to laugh about because I was in the right place at the right time. I cling to those things.

The last few days have been some of the hardest in my life, for various reasons. I won't go into the details but I've learned some hard and valuable lessons about myself and my relationship with God. My case of FOMO is much worse than I had previously acknowledged and it's the key to the "God-shaped" hole in my heart. It's a symptom. It's my own personal sign of brokenness. I've lived much of my life confident that I'm not missing out on things. I've had a lot of incredible experiences that I am so grateful for and even when Facebook-induced envy creeps its way into my heart, I can look back on the pictures from my high school years and from my amazing mission trip to the Solomon Islands and know that my life could be considered glamorous. After all, that's the dream, right?

I'm about to take this MASSIVE step called marriage. It's something I've always wanted and felt was the key to my ultimate happiness. I went through a brief period years ago when God began to teach me that I idolized marriage, which is absolutely true. I thought that I had come to terms with it and moved on with the knowledge that marriage isn't the goal of my existence. But the lesson I'm learning now is much deeper. Right now I'm on the verge of this thing that I have dreamed about and lived for my whole life. I should look ahead with overwhelming excitement and joy because I know that I will soon have everything I could want in life. But somehow that isn't the case. There is a part of me that is saying, "But what if it isn't? What if it isn't everything I could want in life? What if I get married and then I'm miserable? What if this marriage prevents me from living the life God wants for me? What will I be missing out on?"

Did you catch it? Did you catch the hint of FOMO in there? Yeah, it's much, much deeper and more serious than just "Oh I'll stay up a little later even though I'm exhausted because these people are funny and we're gonna make so many memories!" FOMO is undermining my trust in God, making me avoid commitment, preventing me from experiencing joy, and robbing me of finding full satisfaction in the person of Jesus Christ. Here's why I said person of Jesus Christ:

I also idolize Christianity. Weird, right? It's something else I've realized lately. As someone who grew up in the church and was active in youth group and has been on numerous mission trips and who is completely surrounded by other Christians, my heart chases after the thing or person that seems to be on the fast track to heaven. This preacher or that doctrine or this ministry field or that church... which one is the best? I have to follow the best one because clearly they are right and everyone else is wrong and backward. It's tricky because it seems like a righteous endeavor, but it's actually selfish at its core. The fact is that what I'm chasing is the appearance of being a "good Christian" and not Jesus Himself. The questions I've asked myself are, "Will Christ be enough if you don't end up doing vocational ministry? Will Christ be enough if you end up going to a church that is a different denomination than the one you grew up in? Will Christ be enough when you disagree with your husband about theological matters? Will Christ be enough when you don't feel in love with him anymore?" Because, friends, if He isn't, then I'm doing it wrong. I'll never be completely fulfilled and satisfied by any church, pastor, career, or man. Anyone who has lived life can probably agree on that. But I can commit to a marriage because my husband doesn't have to carry that weight. He doesn't have to be my Savior; Jesus has already filled that role forever.

Why is this such an important message? (I'm stealing this blog a little bit because I recently read a blog on FOMO and this is pretty much the same thing. But I'm writing it anyway.) This message is so important to me and probably also to you because it's the human condition. Eve had FOMO, you know. Adam did, too. God gave them everything and He was everything to them but Satan planted this tiny thought in their mind like, "What if we're missing out on something?" Then, boom. They broke everything. Turns out they weren't missing out. Unless you count pain, sorrow and death.

When we choose anything but Christ, we embody the same mindset that Adam and Eve did. "Yes, God, I see you, but I think there could be something better over here." Is it ever true? Maybe in the moment. Maybe in this life, yes. Maybe you have an incredibly exciting and fulfilling life but what happens when it's over? God offers us the ultimate joy and satisfaction of a life eternally in His presence. He also offers us His Son, through whom we find hope, comfort, friendship, and intimacy (it's not an extensive list, but know that He gives us everything we could possibly need). It's worth forsaking everything else that catches our attention and offers us "something more".

This is a lesson I'm having to learn so that I can enter into this marriage with full joy and faith in my Savior to be the fulfillment of every need I have. And I know that entering into this marriage will make me continue to learn the lesson of forsaking all others to devote my heart fully to Christ. Although I may daydream of other life paths I could take right now and FOMO makes me want to hit the brakes and make a hard left, I know that by making this choice I am allowing God to mold my heart into one that can be fully committed--to my husband, and ultimately to Christ, the true Bridegroom.

So if you come to the wedding and you hear the part of my vows where I promise to forsake all others, keeping myself only for Colin for the rest of my days, understand what a big deal that is.